in fear that time will pass me by
too quickly as I bow my head
in deep regret of the wasted past
And while I yearn to stare down my heart
to reflect on what I should have done
I tell myself to see the sky
and Move on
not Repeat
welcome to dewdrops, loves. it's been a while, but as usual... sit back, relax, and enjoy -- preferably with some tea...
Showing posts with label thoughts ☁. Show all posts
Showing posts with label thoughts ☁. Show all posts
Thursday, June 13, 2019
the same mistakes
I look up at the moon and stars
in fear that time will pass me by
too quickly as I bow my head
in deep regret of the wasted past
And while I yearn to stare down my heart
to reflect on what I should have done
I tell myself to see the sky
in fear that time will pass me by
too quickly as I bow my head
in deep regret of the wasted past
And while I yearn to stare down my heart
to reflect on what I should have done
I tell myself to see the sky
Monday, June 4, 2018
gratitude 🕷️
The most beautiful creation of humankind,
that which immortalizes through ink and song,
still bastardizes this profound gratitude
for what saves my life
over
that which immortalizes through ink and song,
still bastardizes this profound gratitude
for what saves my life
over
and over.
And in that I see
Just how much I value time in this world
in this state of matter --
So much so, that
through profession of this song in my soul,
the garish light of its own conception
and reality enhanced by its being shared
And in that I see
Just how much I value time in this world
in this state of matter --
So much so, that
through profession of this song in my soul,
the garish light of its own conception
and reality enhanced by its being shared
mutes its flaring hues.
Yet, I still wish for the world
to see just how much it means to me
and in that eternal struggle
such gratitude warps into a pied jester
and turns to taunt me
and taint itself.
Yet, I still wish for the world
to see just how much it means to me
and in that eternal struggle
such gratitude warps into a pied jester
and turns to taunt me
and taint itself.
Saturday, January 28, 2017
wonders and faults
Sometimes, I zone out and think about why is it that when others understand something in class after a second's thinking time, I have to take a minute.
Sometimes, I see people dancing and wonder why is it that when they look so cool, I look like a fished-up sardine gasping for its last breath on a boat deck.
Sometimes, I hear passersby in the hallways saying hello to friends, and I wonder why I can't even muster a simple hi.
Sometimes, I wonder how some people can paint a masterpiece with words that seem to flow effortlessly from their mouths and pens while I have to think for such a long time before some scum comes out like the last dregs of a toothpaste tube.
Sometimes, in ballet, I wonder if my instructors have lowered their standards for me, praising me at every turn and never giving me any more corrections anymore like they do to everyone else.
Sometimes, when I see drawings by others, I wonder why their styles are so stable and so wonderful, while I can't even draw a human correctly.
Sometimes, I can't fall asleep and I wonder why, when everyone else around me is so marvelous, why, oh why, I can't be as good as them, or why I'm not satisfied with myself.
And to the last one, I can't find a good answer, because then I wonder why I am comparing myself to others as a way of judging success. Then the wondering goes on, and I wonder why I don't have the confidence to believe in myself. I wonder why I need confirmation of my ability from others. I wonder why I never believe them when they say I'm fine. Or amazing.
Sometimes I even wonder why I look so absolutely horrendous, and why everyone else always looks so perfect. Then I remember those nights in front of the bathroom mirror, where I was so very proud to be in my skin, where I knew from deep within that I was and still am beautiful. Truly beautiful, in my own way.
Then, finally, I realize that this cycle of wondering will continue. That this discouraging voice will always be in my head. It will shapeshift in accordance to society's standards. It will change as I grow older, as my perspective changes. Though in reality, this voice may be small, it can sometimes be so blaringly loud that it can't be ignored.
I will never be perfect, but I will also always be perfect in my own way. I don't need to be completely satisfied with myself. I just need to know that I will always be able to grow.
The whole world may not be in my hands, but my world is in my hands. It's what I'll make of the world around me and what I'll make into my own world that matters.
Sometimes, I see people dancing and wonder why is it that when they look so cool, I look like a fished-up sardine gasping for its last breath on a boat deck.
Sometimes, I hear passersby in the hallways saying hello to friends, and I wonder why I can't even muster a simple hi.
Sometimes, I wonder how some people can paint a masterpiece with words that seem to flow effortlessly from their mouths and pens while I have to think for such a long time before some scum comes out like the last dregs of a toothpaste tube.
Sometimes, in ballet, I wonder if my instructors have lowered their standards for me, praising me at every turn and never giving me any more corrections anymore like they do to everyone else.
Sometimes, when I see drawings by others, I wonder why their styles are so stable and so wonderful, while I can't even draw a human correctly.
Sometimes, I can't fall asleep and I wonder why, when everyone else around me is so marvelous, why, oh why, I can't be as good as them, or why I'm not satisfied with myself.
And to the last one, I can't find a good answer, because then I wonder why I am comparing myself to others as a way of judging success. Then the wondering goes on, and I wonder why I don't have the confidence to believe in myself. I wonder why I need confirmation of my ability from others. I wonder why I never believe them when they say I'm fine. Or amazing.
Sometimes I even wonder why I look so absolutely horrendous, and why everyone else always looks so perfect. Then I remember those nights in front of the bathroom mirror, where I was so very proud to be in my skin, where I knew from deep within that I was and still am beautiful. Truly beautiful, in my own way.
Then, finally, I realize that this cycle of wondering will continue. That this discouraging voice will always be in my head. It will shapeshift in accordance to society's standards. It will change as I grow older, as my perspective changes. Though in reality, this voice may be small, it can sometimes be so blaringly loud that it can't be ignored.
I will never be perfect, but I will also always be perfect in my own way. I don't need to be completely satisfied with myself. I just need to know that I will always be able to grow.
The whole world may not be in my hands, but my world is in my hands. It's what I'll make of the world around me and what I'll make into my own world that matters.
Sunday, January 8, 2017
I'M SORRY
MERPY LATE HOLIMAS!
it's 2017 now, and I feel like 2016 flew by. Sure, many may say that it was just a terrible year, and I kind of agree but there were also really amazing parts of 2016. Let's not forget that each year is a blend of both good and bad. Without one, the other wouldn't exist.
Cheers to a wonderful 2017, loves!
it's 2017 now, and I feel like 2016 flew by. Sure, many may say that it was just a terrible year, and I kind of agree but there were also really amazing parts of 2016. Let's not forget that each year is a blend of both good and bad. Without one, the other wouldn't exist.
Cheers to a wonderful 2017, loves!
Sunday, April 17, 2016
thoughts and rants #4: ILY
I love you.
Love ya.
ILY.
ilu.
Some people may say that there is no difference between any of these. After all, they are all nothing but alterations of the poignant three-word phrase, "I love you." However, I feel as if although they do seem like they have exactly the same meaning, the full form seems to strike deeper in one's heart and hold more significance.
I'm sure that many people, like me, have experienced that sensation of the sentence's strength straining against mental dams that keep its utterance lodged in the back of your throat. Split seconds of a dry swallow later, the phrase is forced back down again and instead replaced by a strangled, meeker version.
So, what is "love?"
As a toddler and elementary school student, I was repulsed by the word and would melodramatically gag if it were to ever reach my ears. "Love" evoked mushy scenes of Disney couples kissing and fairy tales where the prince would always have to be the saviour. Splashy scenes in the evening as couples met on sidewalks to share a passionate moment. Sequences that my childish mind could not bear.
I guess that at this time, love meant something that made everyone act harebrained. Love was a dreamland that disconnected people from the real world. A sweet, twisted, rose-coloured nightmare. Searching the deepest depths of my soul in hindsight, I think that maybe, I saw love as a monster that took the attention away from me, a cute little girl, the supposed apple of everyone's eye.
However, here was a nebulous thought in my head that whispered that love could also mean love towards friends and family, but I often ignored that notion.
This definition was still almost the same even as I ran to school, proud of the fact that I was already a sixth-grader, though now I knew that there were two types of love -- couples' love, and friend or family love. The fear of using the phrase was still deeply rooted in my mind, and I still felt squeamish about seeing what would be classified as "normal" acts of affection in public.
Although two years does not seem like much time, it has been enough time for my views of love to change drastically. Last year, in seventh grade, I am sad to say that I succumbed to a crush. I wouldn't say that I was depressed, but it was quite a dark time to go through. It was not only because of a trivial infatuation, but also of events happening around me that I could not do anything about. To keep it short, I'll just say that I felt as if I was drowning in the world around me, and that I was inferior to everyone else. Mask upon mask of happiness and shackle upon shackle of anxiety obstructed my view and bound me from the freedom I deserved. To escape my own issues, I began to aid everyone around me. It was around this time that I restarted dewdrops. I believed that in order to truly be good enough, I would have to gain the approval of others around me. I thirsted for attention and, I guess, love. Finally, in the middle of this schoolyear, I began to seek other ways of seeing the world. I found joy and love everywhere, and I could finally see that my friends and family all LOVED and supported me. I needed no significant other, for that was only one type of love. Sure, it would be nice, but I knew that middle school relationships were usually superficial and, more often than not, unable to last. Through that tumultuous year, I found that I was here to help everyone and spread my views instead of staying shut in my shell.
Now, I see love as a deeper emotional bond for true friends, family, and, occasionally, a significant other. It is not when one's own happiness depends on another's wellbeing, but instead when the mutual respect, admiration, and support for each other builds upon the joy of both. When one is feeling down, the other, by giving love, can restore the person's faith in his or herself and pull through whatever may be the problem. It is when one helps without expecting anything in return because it is known that the favor will be returned in some way. Frankly, these words do not do the meaning of love any justice at all. However, I have attempted to describe it to the best of my ability.
Today, I am able to confidently say "I love you" to... loved ones (obviously), and since I know the feeling is true from at least my side, I can say it without stuttering. This does bring up the issue of thus lessening the prominence of this sentiment through overuse, but maybe that's for another time... <3
Some of you may be thinking, then what about unrequited love? True unrequited love? Or infatuation? The line, I think, is blurred. Here, it is when you place their happiness before your own. If something happens that makes them happy, you also feel content, not because it may have turned out the way that you wanted it to have, but because they themselves are satisfied. Sometimes, however, I feel as if it is simply the need for another's attention, or the need for someone to see you as you see them.
One thing, though -- I love you all :) Thank you for supporting me.
What do you think of love? Remember that these are my thoughts, and everyone's view of love is different. There is no right or wrong... it's all a matter of perception. :)
Love ya.
ILY.
ilu.
Some people may say that there is no difference between any of these. After all, they are all nothing but alterations of the poignant three-word phrase, "I love you." However, I feel as if although they do seem like they have exactly the same meaning, the full form seems to strike deeper in one's heart and hold more significance.
I'm sure that many people, like me, have experienced that sensation of the sentence's strength straining against mental dams that keep its utterance lodged in the back of your throat. Split seconds of a dry swallow later, the phrase is forced back down again and instead replaced by a strangled, meeker version.
So, what is "love?"
As a toddler and elementary school student, I was repulsed by the word and would melodramatically gag if it were to ever reach my ears. "Love" evoked mushy scenes of Disney couples kissing and fairy tales where the prince would always have to be the saviour. Splashy scenes in the evening as couples met on sidewalks to share a passionate moment. Sequences that my childish mind could not bear.
I guess that at this time, love meant something that made everyone act harebrained. Love was a dreamland that disconnected people from the real world. A sweet, twisted, rose-coloured nightmare. Searching the deepest depths of my soul in hindsight, I think that maybe, I saw love as a monster that took the attention away from me, a cute little girl, the supposed apple of everyone's eye.
However, here was a nebulous thought in my head that whispered that love could also mean love towards friends and family, but I often ignored that notion.
This definition was still almost the same even as I ran to school, proud of the fact that I was already a sixth-grader, though now I knew that there were two types of love -- couples' love, and friend or family love. The fear of using the phrase was still deeply rooted in my mind, and I still felt squeamish about seeing what would be classified as "normal" acts of affection in public.
Although two years does not seem like much time, it has been enough time for my views of love to change drastically. Last year, in seventh grade, I am sad to say that I succumbed to a crush. I wouldn't say that I was depressed, but it was quite a dark time to go through. It was not only because of a trivial infatuation, but also of events happening around me that I could not do anything about. To keep it short, I'll just say that I felt as if I was drowning in the world around me, and that I was inferior to everyone else. Mask upon mask of happiness and shackle upon shackle of anxiety obstructed my view and bound me from the freedom I deserved. To escape my own issues, I began to aid everyone around me. It was around this time that I restarted dewdrops. I believed that in order to truly be good enough, I would have to gain the approval of others around me. I thirsted for attention and, I guess, love. Finally, in the middle of this schoolyear, I began to seek other ways of seeing the world. I found joy and love everywhere, and I could finally see that my friends and family all LOVED and supported me. I needed no significant other, for that was only one type of love. Sure, it would be nice, but I knew that middle school relationships were usually superficial and, more often than not, unable to last. Through that tumultuous year, I found that I was here to help everyone and spread my views instead of staying shut in my shell.
Now, I see love as a deeper emotional bond for true friends, family, and, occasionally, a significant other. It is not when one's own happiness depends on another's wellbeing, but instead when the mutual respect, admiration, and support for each other builds upon the joy of both. When one is feeling down, the other, by giving love, can restore the person's faith in his or herself and pull through whatever may be the problem. It is when one helps without expecting anything in return because it is known that the favor will be returned in some way. Frankly, these words do not do the meaning of love any justice at all. However, I have attempted to describe it to the best of my ability.
Today, I am able to confidently say "I love you" to... loved ones (obviously), and since I know the feeling is true from at least my side, I can say it without stuttering. This does bring up the issue of thus lessening the prominence of this sentiment through overuse, but maybe that's for another time... <3
Some of you may be thinking, then what about unrequited love? True unrequited love? Or infatuation? The line, I think, is blurred. Here, it is when you place their happiness before your own. If something happens that makes them happy, you also feel content, not because it may have turned out the way that you wanted it to have, but because they themselves are satisfied. Sometimes, however, I feel as if it is simply the need for another's attention, or the need for someone to see you as you see them.
One thing, though -- I love you all :) Thank you for supporting me.
What do you think of love? Remember that these are my thoughts, and everyone's view of love is different. There is no right or wrong... it's all a matter of perception. :)
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
a kiss on the nose
My mother kissed me on the nose, and I scrubbed it off viciously.
No, I didn't throw it away, I smeared the love across my cheeks as war paint in the battle of life :)
No, I didn't throw it away, I smeared the love across my cheeks as war paint in the battle of life :)
Thursday, November 5, 2015
accidents happen...
Hello everyone!
whoops :)... If you find that your comment has been deleted, it's most likely an accident unless your content is extremely offensive... and when I mean extremely, I mean... EXTREMELY :) so don't worry about that...
Me accidentally deleting comments is because I always want to reply, but instead I remove the content instead... so bear with me, please... thanks <3
Accidents happen all the time, and they range from earth-shattering to clumsy mistakes.
I like to think of my life as a work of art. Instead of covering a mistake up, I make it part of my path, and who I am. There is technically no such thing as a mistake. Sometimes, I think it's like life telling us to stray off of the road that we have built for ourselves, for us to fall off a stepping stone and discover the little fish in the water. You can always find a way to keep going from the mistakes in your daily life... think of it as a FRESH start, a yarn ball just waiting to be unraveled.
whoops :)... If you find that your comment has been deleted, it's most likely an accident unless your content is extremely offensive... and when I mean extremely, I mean... EXTREMELY :) so don't worry about that...
Me accidentally deleting comments is because I always want to reply, but instead I remove the content instead... so bear with me, please... thanks <3
Accidents happen all the time, and they range from earth-shattering to clumsy mistakes.
I like to think of my life as a work of art. Instead of covering a mistake up, I make it part of my path, and who I am. There is technically no such thing as a mistake. Sometimes, I think it's like life telling us to stray off of the road that we have built for ourselves, for us to fall off a stepping stone and discover the little fish in the water. You can always find a way to keep going from the mistakes in your daily life... think of it as a FRESH start, a yarn ball just waiting to be unraveled.
Wednesday, November 4, 2015
fresh
fresh...
the smell of freshly printed books
petrichor, a fresh, earthy scent
fresh fruits, sweet yet tart
crisp, clean, fresh clothes, still warm from the dryer
(actually we hang our clothes up to dry them when weather permits... eco-friendly :) )
a fresh start, a new world
cold, fresh mornings
fresh, breezy evenings
crunchy, fluffy, fresh snow
freshly brewed coffee
tea, fresh and relaxing yet invigorating
nothing's ever just "the same old"
not even homework, or school, or any work you need to do...
the smell of freshly printed books
petrichor, a fresh, earthy scent
fresh fruits, sweet yet tart
crisp, clean, fresh clothes, still warm from the dryer
(actually we hang our clothes up to dry them when weather permits... eco-friendly :) )
a fresh start, a new world
cold, fresh mornings
fresh, breezy evenings
crunchy, fluffy, fresh snow
freshly brewed coffee
tea, fresh and relaxing yet invigorating
nothing's ever just "the same old"
not even homework, or school, or any work you need to do...
Thursday, October 1, 2015
satisfying things in life
finally getting rid of a stuffy nose
being outside at night
seeing an animal looking at you
animals that aren't afraid of you
having something to look forward to
emotions (think about it: without sadness, there would be no happiness)
random philosophical statements YOU think of
time to unwind
a good story
tea :)
traveling
getting over jetlag
compliments from the heart
giving to others
solving a problem
accomplishing anything
grass fields
electricity
water
snorkeling, diving
fire
s'mores
danger
fear
^^ (if you've experienced both and survived, that's great... some people give up too easily)
catching something when it's falling
the feeling you get when you're completely into a book
those people in life you always look up to
seeing the difference between real friends and not very good friends (no, not like acquaintance, I mean the types that only like you in certain conditions)
being alone sometimes
sleeping after a long day
waking up refreshed
the smell of coffee
good memories
feeling safe
feeling content with everything
sitting back and looking around
making a good comebacks IN TIME :D (no one likes l'esprit de l'escalier)
playing music you want to play
singing with no one judging
a random boost of confidence
knowing that someone trusts you
petrichor
before this gets EVEN longer, I'd like to stop and let you think of some things that are satisfying to you... the list goes on forever, so don't you ever think that you have nothing to live for or to look forwards to :)
being outside at night
seeing an animal looking at you
animals that aren't afraid of you
having something to look forward to
emotions (think about it: without sadness, there would be no happiness)
random philosophical statements YOU think of
time to unwind
a good story
tea :)
traveling
getting over jetlag
compliments from the heart
giving to others
solving a problem
accomplishing anything
grass fields
electricity
water
snorkeling, diving
fire
s'mores
danger
fear
^^ (if you've experienced both and survived, that's great... some people give up too easily)
catching something when it's falling
the feeling you get when you're completely into a book
those people in life you always look up to
seeing the difference between real friends and not very good friends (no, not like acquaintance, I mean the types that only like you in certain conditions)
being alone sometimes
sleeping after a long day
waking up refreshed
the smell of coffee
good memories
feeling safe
feeling content with everything
sitting back and looking around
making a good comebacks IN TIME :D (no one likes l'esprit de l'escalier)
playing music you want to play
singing with no one judging
a random boost of confidence
knowing that someone trusts you
petrichor
before this gets EVEN longer, I'd like to stop and let you think of some things that are satisfying to you... the list goes on forever, so don't you ever think that you have nothing to live for or to look forwards to :)
Friday, September 4, 2015
thoughts and rants #3: thumbs
Thumbs have many uses...
You can twiddle them, pick objects up with them, stare at them, pick at them, etc...
They also symbolize many things
Some meanings are good, some are bad.
"She sticks out like a sore thumb"
"Wow, he has quite a green thumb"
Let's take the meanings literally right now...
Sore thumbs stick out, apparently.
Well, I bet if someone had a green thumb, that would stick out too.
Then, why is a green thumb good but a sore thumb bad?
Our opposables would be quite noticeable if they were green, wouldn't they?
We could all try it one day and paint our thumbs green.
I bet that a lot of us would probably think twice before doing that...
"What would people say? Would I look weird?"
Chances are, society would probably say that it's strange.
So why is this strange?
You could say that maybe, it's because genetics have made us think that whatever is strange means that you are sick.
Or maybe, you could say that even though in different places, customs are different,
and customs have changed through times, we're expected to try to be cool or fit in.
But why does "cool" mean to stand out, or to lead a trend?
Trends could have never happened if there wasn't one sore thumb who decided to one day be the fish swimming the other way.
It's not bad to follow a trend, though. I follow whichever ones I like.
Personally, I don't like it when people blindly follow trends just to fit in. (you are entitled to your own thought)
However, I think I do that sometimes...
We weren't made to fit in.
So let's all be sore thumbs in our own special way, not just to create a trend, though...
*this thought came to me while I was twiddling my thumbs :)
You can twiddle them, pick objects up with them, stare at them, pick at them, etc...
They also symbolize many things
Some meanings are good, some are bad.
"She sticks out like a sore thumb"
"Wow, he has quite a green thumb"
Let's take the meanings literally right now...
Sore thumbs stick out, apparently.
Well, I bet if someone had a green thumb, that would stick out too.
Then, why is a green thumb good but a sore thumb bad?
Our opposables would be quite noticeable if they were green, wouldn't they?
We could all try it one day and paint our thumbs green.
I bet that a lot of us would probably think twice before doing that...
"What would people say? Would I look weird?"
Chances are, society would probably say that it's strange.
So why is this strange?
You could say that maybe, it's because genetics have made us think that whatever is strange means that you are sick.
Or maybe, you could say that even though in different places, customs are different,
and customs have changed through times, we're expected to try to be cool or fit in.
But why does "cool" mean to stand out, or to lead a trend?
Trends could have never happened if there wasn't one sore thumb who decided to one day be the fish swimming the other way.
It's not bad to follow a trend, though. I follow whichever ones I like.
Personally, I don't like it when people blindly follow trends just to fit in. (you are entitled to your own thought)
However, I think I do that sometimes...
We weren't made to fit in.
So let's all be sore thumbs in our own special way, not just to create a trend, though...
*this thought came to me while I was twiddling my thumbs :)
Saturday, July 18, 2015
international
While I was looking at the stats for dewdrops, I saw that I had some views from Australia, Germany, Canada, the UK, and my country (of course), USA.
(Yes, I'm American. But sometimes, I still like using... what do you call it? British spelling? I don't know, sometimes I force myself to change.)
I practically cried.
Although it might have been a cursory glance, I'm still just so happy that this blog and my thoughts have gone across the world without me even leaving. There are endless possibilities! Who knows where it will go?
As someone who travels, I love the fact that this blog is traveling on its own, and my thoughts are, too. Of course, I can't experience some things that I can by physically traveling, but it's possible that I experience things that I can't experience through going there.
Help me travel with my blog, and interact as much as you can! Post constructive criticism, and any other comment or question :)
It's really late here, and I should probably go sleep. Gute nacht!
:D I say that to my chicken every time I put her in her coop for the night, along with buenas noches (Spanish), bonus nocte (I take Latin), wan an (晚安)(Mandarin), buona notte (Italian), and good night ('tis English). Those are the only ones I usually remember to say... so help me and tell me all the good nights you know in the comments!
(Yes, I'm American. But sometimes, I still like using... what do you call it? British spelling? I don't know, sometimes I force myself to change.)
I practically cried.
Although it might have been a cursory glance, I'm still just so happy that this blog and my thoughts have gone across the world without me even leaving. There are endless possibilities! Who knows where it will go?
As someone who travels, I love the fact that this blog is traveling on its own, and my thoughts are, too. Of course, I can't experience some things that I can by physically traveling, but it's possible that I experience things that I can't experience through going there.
Help me travel with my blog, and interact as much as you can! Post constructive criticism, and any other comment or question :)
It's really late here, and I should probably go sleep. Gute nacht!
:D I say that to my chicken every time I put her in her coop for the night, along with buenas noches (Spanish), bonus nocte (I take Latin), wan an (晚安)(Mandarin), buona notte (Italian), and good night ('tis English). Those are the only ones I usually remember to say... so help me and tell me all the good nights you know in the comments!
thoughts and rants #2: boredom and leisure
I feel like I'm drowning in work :)
Even though it's the middle of summer, I have essays to write, instruments to practice, Chinese to review, blah.
But... BUT... that's alright! When I'm able to take a break, I truly appreciate it. There are times when people feel bored. I'm a person, so naturally, I feel bored sometimes. No one likes being bored.
However, I think that all of us should appreciate having the time to have nothing to do. When I am bored, I complain about having nothing to do. When I have something to do, I complain about having too much work and no leisure time. It's like society today. The space of perfection between too much and too little is barely as wide as a hair. It's practically impossible to be perfect. The time in which people are bored is actually leisure time. People complain about having no break, but that's just a mindset.
Boredom is a kingdom in which you rule like the Queen of Saigon. You have no power, and you rule over nothing. Boredom is black and white. No, not even black and white. Every color has its own beauty. It's truly nothing. Boredom is a sinkhole where every emotion is smothered and swallowed up to create a mess of sludge where the bird of your soul is trapped. It's only when you change the mindset, switch to another key, can you open the vile cage of hardened filth. Think of this empty slot of time as free time, leisure time.
Leisure is when someone unwinds, reflects, and imagines each possible path thinkable that is ahead of them. Without this precious time, work can trip you up and send you falling down an endless spiral, stumbling before you see what is ahead and realise that you have repeated a mistake that has been made too many times. Maybe you don't want to think about the past or the future. Think about now, or contemplate something. Anything that goes into your mind. That's the beauty of it all. Leisure time is like a room with an infinite number of open doors. You can walk through any of them, wherever you choose to go, yet you can always find your way back to the main atrium. However, each time you return from an exploration, the atrium is filled with one more treasure gained from the journey.
So, which path will you take? You have a full set of keys, but which one will you choose to use?
Even though it's the middle of summer, I have essays to write, instruments to practice, Chinese to review, blah.
But... BUT... that's alright! When I'm able to take a break, I truly appreciate it. There are times when people feel bored. I'm a person, so naturally, I feel bored sometimes. No one likes being bored.
However, I think that all of us should appreciate having the time to have nothing to do. When I am bored, I complain about having nothing to do. When I have something to do, I complain about having too much work and no leisure time. It's like society today. The space of perfection between too much and too little is barely as wide as a hair. It's practically impossible to be perfect. The time in which people are bored is actually leisure time. People complain about having no break, but that's just a mindset.
Boredom is a kingdom in which you rule like the Queen of Saigon. You have no power, and you rule over nothing. Boredom is black and white. No, not even black and white. Every color has its own beauty. It's truly nothing. Boredom is a sinkhole where every emotion is smothered and swallowed up to create a mess of sludge where the bird of your soul is trapped. It's only when you change the mindset, switch to another key, can you open the vile cage of hardened filth. Think of this empty slot of time as free time, leisure time.
Leisure is when someone unwinds, reflects, and imagines each possible path thinkable that is ahead of them. Without this precious time, work can trip you up and send you falling down an endless spiral, stumbling before you see what is ahead and realise that you have repeated a mistake that has been made too many times. Maybe you don't want to think about the past or the future. Think about now, or contemplate something. Anything that goes into your mind. That's the beauty of it all. Leisure time is like a room with an infinite number of open doors. You can walk through any of them, wherever you choose to go, yet you can always find your way back to the main atrium. However, each time you return from an exploration, the atrium is filled with one more treasure gained from the journey.
So, which path will you take? You have a full set of keys, but which one will you choose to use?
Saturday, May 30, 2015
transformation!
no one should doubt their abilities.
"failing?" don't worry. it's called learning. just don't repeat a mistake.
remember, every guru started off as an apprentice.
one simply is not born perfect.
we all have to work hard to get to the culminating point of our lives.
then, we continue to push and improve.
don't like the status quo? change yourself first. improve.
when you don't think you're improving, take your time.
know that someone loves you. if you can't believe that, then love yourself even more.
don't become a narcissist though :)
that won't help anything...
bad emotions are okay. know that and don't bottle them in when you don't need to.
I remember when there was a time when I was sad for no apparent reason...
don't do that to yourself.
you don't deserve to feel that way.
I felt like I was drowning under everything.
without life, there's no hope.
surround yourself with love.
find your own life.
believe in yourself.
(cliché isn't always bad. there's a reason why it caught on.)
then you can resume on your path.
or maybe you don't have a clear path.
don't worry. you'll find one.
knowing that you're not the best is good.
that means that you know where you need to improve.
take time off to relax. never underestimate relaxation.
look outside. wander outside. explore.
soon enough, you'll slowly start to become who you wanted to be at first.
unless you changed. that's okay.
dream on, imagine. have a world to yourself.
don't just survive. don't just live. THRIVE with style.
I'm just me.
I squeeze into a sequined dress.
"failing?" don't worry. it's called learning. just don't repeat a mistake.
remember, every guru started off as an apprentice.
one simply is not born perfect.
we all have to work hard to get to the culminating point of our lives.
then, we continue to push and improve.
don't like the status quo? change yourself first. improve.
when you don't think you're improving, take your time.
know that someone loves you. if you can't believe that, then love yourself even more.
don't become a narcissist though :)
that won't help anything...
bad emotions are okay. know that and don't bottle them in when you don't need to.
I remember when there was a time when I was sad for no apparent reason...
don't do that to yourself.
you don't deserve to feel that way.
I felt like I was drowning under everything.
without life, there's no hope.
surround yourself with love.
find your own life.
believe in yourself.
(cliché isn't always bad. there's a reason why it caught on.)
then you can resume on your path.
or maybe you don't have a clear path.
don't worry. you'll find one.
knowing that you're not the best is good.
that means that you know where you need to improve.
take time off to relax. never underestimate relaxation.
look outside. wander outside. explore.
soon enough, you'll slowly start to become who you wanted to be at first.
unless you changed. that's okay.
dream on, imagine. have a world to yourself.
don't just survive. don't just live. THRIVE with style.
I'm just me.
I squeeze into a sequined dress.
I am a star.
I peel off the shining dress,
Into a ragged shirt and pants I struggle.
I am now a slave.
I am a slave.
I peel off my ragged cloth,
Into a pair of wings of feathers I fly.
I am now a bird.
I am a bird.
I peel off my feathers,
Into glistening scales and fins I swim.
I am now a fish.
I am a fish.
I peel off my slipping water skin.
Into a shell I hide.
I am now a turtle.
But who am I?
Truly, really, who am I?
Anything,
Anything I want.
You can be anything you want. Strive towards a goal.
You can make a blog.
You can definitely get a higher vertical jump.
You can definitely draw a life sized picture of your cat.
You can do well on your finals and exceed your goals.
You will be able to dunk on the 10 ft by next year at the latest.
Who knows?
Goals range from the smallest things to the craziest ideas.
You can make a blog.
You can definitely get a higher vertical jump.
You can definitely draw a life sized picture of your cat.
You can do well on your finals and exceed your goals.
You will be able to dunk on the 10 ft by next year at the latest.
Who knows?
Goals range from the smallest things to the craziest ideas.
Change the goal to suit your needs and personality.
Work hard and you will get to it.
Work hard and you will get to it.
Transform. It's not always bad to try to fit in.
It's the same thing as putting yourself into someone else's shoes, isn't it?
Then again, don't erase yourself and make yourself a permanent pawn of another greater entity.Thursday, May 28, 2015
thoughts and rants #1: elements
So recently we had an English assignment which asked us which natural element we think we embody the most. I was excited because I had thought of it before. However, after the essay, I never really stopped thinking about it. The more I think about it, the more I think of myself as water... Water can be calm and yielding at times, fitting in each mold it is poured into, flowing through whichever path has already been planned out. However, when it has its own opinion, it can become as forceful as the ocean. I'm sure you guys have heard of the water engravers or whatever they're called :)
I find that I can change easily from one personality to another, such as going from composed to hyper with my friends, much like how water can pour into one shape or another without breaking like earth. Within different groups of friends, I act in different ways. Even though it seems as if I am bending myself to fit in, the truth is that these personalities are just extensions of myself.
Water also takes time to warm up or cool down, and for me, a certain amount of time must pass for me to get used to a certain situation. For example, whenever I make a new friend in unfamiliar surroundings, I assess everyone before settling down to talk to one person. It takes a longer time for me to relax and talk to a stranger compared to other people.
Even though I can sometimes be quite active like fire, I'm not quick to change my mood, or at least I don't really show it much... It takes a lot to anger me or make me protest. Sometimes, it makes me seem kind of cold or detached like ice... but those who really know me know whether I'm actually really into something or not. For example, last year, I went on an exchange program to Japan. When it was time to leave, I was sad. Truly sad. Yet, somehow, I just couldn't cry... It felt so strange. My buddy and her friends were crying, yet I could only manage a sad face... It's also kind of strange. When I'm annoyed, I don't really show it until I just can't stand it anymore.
Anger is associated with heat, right? Yeah, strangely enough, it's the one emotion that comes out easiest through this "ice." When I'm angry, I tend to get really quiet and TRULY cold (haha and anger is supposed to be hot) to the poor victim (sorry :P).
Rivers may seem transparent at times like air, but the truth is that once someone jumps in, it is usually deeper than it seems. I have many thoughts that I don't to share with others, while air rushes and speaks before thinking. It's not that I don't trust them, it's just that I don't want to :P This also can link back to the previous statement :)
One more thing is that water picks up each and every little thing in its path, like a leaf or a grain of sand. If I'm interested in something, there's no stopping me from exploring more in depth, and usually I go further than other people in exploring the topic.
So, that's definitely enough talk about me :)... How about you?
I find that I can change easily from one personality to another, such as going from composed to hyper with my friends, much like how water can pour into one shape or another without breaking like earth. Within different groups of friends, I act in different ways. Even though it seems as if I am bending myself to fit in, the truth is that these personalities are just extensions of myself.
Water also takes time to warm up or cool down, and for me, a certain amount of time must pass for me to get used to a certain situation. For example, whenever I make a new friend in unfamiliar surroundings, I assess everyone before settling down to talk to one person. It takes a longer time for me to relax and talk to a stranger compared to other people.
Even though I can sometimes be quite active like fire, I'm not quick to change my mood, or at least I don't really show it much... It takes a lot to anger me or make me protest. Sometimes, it makes me seem kind of cold or detached like ice... but those who really know me know whether I'm actually really into something or not. For example, last year, I went on an exchange program to Japan. When it was time to leave, I was sad. Truly sad. Yet, somehow, I just couldn't cry... It felt so strange. My buddy and her friends were crying, yet I could only manage a sad face... It's also kind of strange. When I'm annoyed, I don't really show it until I just can't stand it anymore.
Anger is associated with heat, right? Yeah, strangely enough, it's the one emotion that comes out easiest through this "ice." When I'm angry, I tend to get really quiet and TRULY cold (haha and anger is supposed to be hot) to the poor victim (sorry :P).
Rivers may seem transparent at times like air, but the truth is that once someone jumps in, it is usually deeper than it seems. I have many thoughts that I don't to share with others, while air rushes and speaks before thinking. It's not that I don't trust them, it's just that I don't want to :P This also can link back to the previous statement :)
One more thing is that water picks up each and every little thing in its path, like a leaf or a grain of sand. If I'm interested in something, there's no stopping me from exploring more in depth, and usually I go further than other people in exploring the topic.
So, that's definitely enough talk about me :)... How about you?